A summer of madness for theme parks

Anyone who has ever visited an amusement park or water park will be used to being bombarded with a whole load of practical but, usually, unnecessary rules.

‘Don’t throw items from the rides’, ‘make sure you’re strapped in tightly’, ‘do not push in’, ‘only smoke in designated areas’…these are all part and parcel of the experience.

But theme parks in the UK have taken the rule-making a step further this summer and introduced a series of extra laws to make thrill seekers scratch their heads and laugh.

Alton Towers, the UK’s biggest theme park located in Staffordshire, England, started the madness when it announced a ban on children wearing high heels.

"Children are understandably full of excitement at the prospect of riding our rollercoasters, so we of course understand the disappointment they feel when they are measured and are too short to ride,” said a spokesperson.

“However, our height restrictions are in place to ensure the health and safety of all our guests, so whilst this ban may appear extreme, we are confident it will reduce the number of desperate attempts to gain a cm or two."

And Alton Towers introduced airport-style X-ray scanners to check on the footwear situation.

This announcement came after one young boy was discovered with a pair of flip-flops stuck on to the bottom of his trainers in order to reach the minimum height requirement, while a young girl lined up in shoes she had swapped with her mother.

But Alton Towers didn’t stop there. Later in the summer, bosses of the theme park’s attached water park and Splash Landings hotel said the words that 50-year-old, overweight Europeans had been dreading…”no Speedos”.

They’d received numerous complaints about men wearing too-tight swimwear and said: "To prevent embarrassment among fellow members of the public and to maintain the family friendly atmosphere at the resort, bosses have taken the extreme measure of banning these tight trunks from their popular waterpark located within the Splash Landings Hotel.

“While women may hail the return of the skimpy bathers, the style itself is not deemed public or family friendly, and therefore we are requesting that male swimmers wear more appropriate styles such as boardshorts.”

Alton Towers clearly couldn’t pass up the opportunity to have a friendly dig at hirsute men and added: "The resort is also considering introducing mandatory bikini waxing for men, in a bid to prevent unsightly hair from being on display."

Finally, Thorpe Park, located in Surrey, got in on the act when it placed a series of 'Say no to BO' signs around the theme park, discouraging riders from putting their hands in the air on the big attractions.

"We've found that when the temperature tops 77F (25C) the level of unpleasant smells can become unacceptable and we do receive complaints,” said Thorpe Park director, Mike Vallis.

If thrill seekers do want to throw their hands in the air, workers will be equipped with deodorant for guests to don.

"Our rides are really scary and people tend to sweat more than normal due to the fear and anticipation they experience while queueing up so it can get really pongy. Therefore, we felt a ban in temperatures of 25C plus would be the best way to ensure our guests have the most enjoyable experience and aren't exposed to any unsavoury armpits."

At Hotelier Middle East, we’re wondering what implications this bout of rule-making could have in the Middle East. If temperatures of 25C have folk in the UK a little sweaty, then you have to feel sorry for those sat on the back of a rollercoaster at Dubailand – should it ever be completed – who may lose consciousness when hit by the 40C-plus-induced stink.

Ladies nights at Wild Wadi, we’re told, are more like Milan fashion shows; ban high heels and there’s no point at all.

And, finally, each year more than 250,000 German visitors check into hotels in Dubai alone…can the Middle East really afford to ban Speedos?